Personal Story
of Carol James

 
Like many people, I’ve always dreamed about the life I want to live. Over the years some dreams came true, but many more stayed elusively out of reach, and I never understood why. Often I would appear to gain success, then somehow manage to undo it. For example, when I was in sales I would climb to the top of the sales heap, spend a few months reaping the awards and rewards, then get bored and quit my job. I even noticed myself sabotaging my own efforts to make changes in my life, like the over-eating binge that would overpower me when I would have thoughts about losing weight. I began to wonder if there was another person living inside of me whose life’s purpose was to sabotage my life.

I did know what it felt like to be in the flow and to feel good, at least my definition of it in any given moment. It was easy to tell when I felt good, because my energy was high, I felt positive and optimistic about life, and I had a warm, comforting knowing that all was well. When I was in the flow, things were easy and effortless. 

For instance, one time a few years ago I made a commitment to deliver a workshop that I had not yet developed. The workshop was a few weeks away, so I didn't worry about not having the agenda or material developed. I frequently thought about the workshop over the weeks, envisioning what would be covered, but writing nothing down. As D-Day came closer I'd think about developing the workshop, but emptiness is all that came. By this time in my life I’d learned not to force myself to be creative when not inspired, even when my intellect screamed at me, "You better get this done." The old me would have panicked and become fearful and terrified, but the new me said, "Oh well, I know that when the time is right the material will flow out smoothly, easily, quickly and without effort of any type. That time is not now, so get over it." Gulp!

The morning of the workshop I woke up bursting with inspiration. After a mere 4 hours of effortless writing, a 3-hour workshop complete with workbook was ready to deliver. The workshop was a hit with the attendees that night, and I didn't need to make a single change to the text, format or flow. That experience (and dozens of others I've had) was powerful evidence for trusting the flow of life.

However, I also noticed how easy my "all is well" feeling could slip away, and how it was not always so easy for me to find it again. Since I preferred feeling good, because my life was far more enjoyable when I was feeling good, I decided to find out how to sustain that feeling.

My self-exploration started in 1981. Emerging from yet another dysfunctional relationship, and at the same time being laid-off from a bankrupt company, I finally reached that place of saying, "Enough is enough. I don't know what I’m doing to attract all this garbage, but I want it to STOP!" Feeling frustrated and not understanding how I had attracted such struggles and disappointments in my life, I embarked upon a journey of self-discovery that took me into hundreds of psychology, parapsychology, self-help, positive thinking, New Thinking and spiritual awakening books and dozens of self-improvement workshops.

It was a Seth book that shattered my belief system when it stated, "If you don't like your life, change it." Until then, it had never occurred to me that I had any control over the circumstances of my life. That insight turned my life upside down as I moved through the stages of blaming others, blaming myself, not knowing how to change my life, feeling frustrated about not making the progress I wanted and wondering if I would ever find the answers I sought.

As my search for answers marched on, my life continued to weave around like a drunken sailor. I shifted from excitement and possibility when I plunged into starting my own business in 1985 to disaster when I made stupid hiring mistakes a few years later that caused major turmoil in my business. It took many years to rebuild it, to stabilize my life financially and professionally and to rebuild my self-esteem. But there was still this big hole in me, full of questions for which I had no answers, the most significant of which was, "Why and how am I getting all these things I don't want?"

As I continued to read and study, I found that each author or facilitator had valuable information to offer me — go within, quiet my mind, breath, meditate, read affirmations, visualize, focus, heal my wounds, forgive myself, love myself, clear out the cobwebs, open my valves, align my energy, think positively, ignore reality, change my thoughts, pivot from negative chatter, do what I love . . . whew! — but there were still pieces of the puzzle missing that kept sustained happiness out of my reach.

What was missing for me was how to live a self-empowered life, how to consistently choose from my heart, how to live in the moment — the now — and be the person I want to be and how to finally let go of all that stuff that got in the way of sustained happiness. I got so busy doing things that were supposed to fix my life and make me happy, that I actually spent little time being happy. I spent most of my time getting caught up in the mechanics of applying all those techniques or planning who I was going to be instead of being the person I dreamed of being.

Eventually, after years of studying, observing, experimenting and comparing notes with a few close friends, I came to understand why and how I was getting experiences and relationships that were always doomed to failure and disappointment. And more importantly, I discovered how to attract what I wanted and how to release what I didn't want. I discovered that happiness is a lifestyle: a way of being and a state of mind.

Since 1992, I've devoted my life to learning what it means to live an inspired life and how to apply Inspired Living concepts to every moment and aspect of my life — to my business, to my relationships, to my purpose in life and to my lifestyle. It is the application and embodiment of that Inspired Living lifestyle that is the focus and content of my work and the tone I’ve set for my Inspired Living and Inspired Business web sites.

Inspired Living is a work in progress. Every day I learn more, understand more, and grow more peaceful and content in the awareness of who I am and how life works. My journey continues as I learn more and more about what it really means to live in the now, to live through my heart and to allow my fullness to emerge. As I grow, so does my work.

Carol James, April 4, 1998